| #6
- Somebody Else's Child
Gulin Akoz, Nov.
'01
Here’s my latest greatest idea!..
I want 5 children!… is it too late for that now?.. Sally
said “No, but you’ll have to get married right away
and pop up one after the other” Well, that doesn’t
make sense. “Adoption,” she said, “That’s
the solution.” Heeeey!.. that’s a good idea. I’ll
adopt one from China, one from India, one from Africa, one from
South America, and I’ll get married to a foreign man and
have one of my own!… How about that?! :) Imagine what
a wonderful family that would be?! United Nations at home! If
only it were that easy.
--
One thing I realized on this trip is that I love children!
Children… don’t they make your day brighter? Well,
I don’t have one of my own, that may be the reason why
I think that way :)
Is it easier to love somebody else’s child whom you don’t
have to take care of? Or would the love of someone from your
own flesh and blood be different?
Until now, I had always thought bearing a child was too difficult,
the responsibility of bringing a human being into this world
too big and heavy. In fact, I still think those are correct.
Don’t know why but it seems that I could overlook them
now. Maybe I’m growing old, maybe it’s got to do
with my age and hormones. I have always been big on moms. But
I guess not that big to want to become one myself.
---
This reminds me of the day I was sitting at home, reading or
writing in bed as usual, listening to the radio. There was a
song playing, lyrics from a famous Turkish poem,
most who have gone
should be happy where they are
‘cause so many years have passed
and none have returned
‘soundless ship’ that’s the name of the poem.
Words lose their meaning when they are translated just like
some feelings lose their meaning when put into words. Add to
this the fact that I’m not a professional translator,
still I hope it conveys the idea. The poem is talking about
death. Leaving and not coming back… This is a song I’ve
listened to so many times in my life but listening to it at
that exact moment made me think of suicide.
-------
There was a book I had read when I was about 13-14. ‘I
Heard the Owl Call My Name’ I had loved that book and
I happened to come upon it at a friend’s house, I read
it in one sitting.
A young vicar who has only two more years to live is sent to
an Indian village. It’s such a simple, yet sophisticated
book.
A dialogue between the bishop and the vicar goes like this:
“… where only the fundamentals count, to learn
what every man must learn in this world.”
“And that, my lord?”
“Enough of the meaning of life to be ready to die.”
That’s how I feel sometimes.
----
The radio kept playing… as all these were going on in
my head…
Life can be so ironic sometimes. Laughs right at your face
out loud, makes fun of you.
So now there’s another song playing… “the
good days I didn’t get to see, you’ll see them my
child” and my thoughts take a different turn. Now I’m
thinking of giving birth to a child!
-----
Of course before that can be possible I need a man :) But that’s
not all. If it were just a man I needed, that would be easy.
It only gets more difficult when you’re looking for a
life-long best-friend and a lover… someone you can be
yourself with and grow-up together.
Moreover, deep and strong relationships don’t happen
overnight. A wise friend of mine had advised me to let love
grow like an oak tree, slow and strong, not like a banana bush.
Got to admit, sometimes that’s really hard to do but it
sure would be more rewarding and certainly worth the pain of
waiting.
Time either deepens a relationship or deteriorates it. Friendships
may stand the test of time and distance if the roots are strong.
Just like a wind which blows out the flicker but kindles the
flame of a fire.
Even though I’m sometimes amazed at myself how patient
I can be with people especially, I wouldn’t define myself
as patient. But that’s not the problem. I can wait. I
got too much time on my hands (that’s not exactly true
but I have sort of lost the sense of time on this trip) So the
problem is not that but where to find the oak tree seed :)
Fortunately life is a funny guy. Your world may be crumbling
into pieces one second, and the next moment you might be dancing
with the clouds. Or you get something when you least expect
it, when you have given up. It’s there, waiting for you…
In fact it might have been there right in front of your eyes
and you haven't seen it.
To cut it short :)
I actually believe that you get something when you are ready
to receive it, or rather, I prefer to believe that :) |
