11 July '01
This trip has made some radical changes in my life.
And I bet there are greater changes to come yet.
My mother was not happy at all when I quit my job
at the university. I told her "When you're sitting in a cafe, you'll
see people reading about me or discussing what I did and you'll say
"That's my daughter" My mother said "I don't want that.
I just want you to be near."
It happened sooner than I expected. I was on the front
page of one of the biggest newspapers in Turkey. My mother was out shopping.
"I couldn't help it," she said recounting what had happened
that day, "The newspaper was lying there in front of me with your
picture." She had said "That girl is my naughty daughter"
to all three shopowners.
Well, she wanted me to be safe and secure. That's
all. But I wanted something more. I don't know what I'm searching....
I just think that life should not be bounded by 15 square kilometers.
And safety?... Is there anything like safety in reality?
No! Or do I think that way just because I believe in fate? I am a fate
person and I tend to believe that something we think is bad, might in
fact be good for us or vice versa. I have experienced this several times
in my life so I don't force things much. Take it as it comes... go along
with the wind... you can take over and change the direction of the sails
if you realize it's taking you to a place you don't want to be or you
don't like the scenery anymore. That’s what I prefer to do.
I worry about the future just like everybody. But
I guess the last sentence of "Gone with the Wind" has made
a considerable impact on my life. I remember Scarlet's words vividly:
"I'll think about it tomorrow."
Time passes from that which is no longer (the past),
by way of that which is impossible to extend (the present), into that
which does not yet exist (the future). So if you are going to regret
something one day, let it be something you have done, not something
I really believe that this round-the-world tour is
the wisest decision I've taken, the wisest thing I'm doing. I cannot
remember how many times I have thought to myself "Life is good"
on this trip. Okay, at the beginning I was ready to spend money but
I was reluctant to spend all the money I saved for 10 years. Not anymore...
can't think of anything better to spend my money on. As Jeff said "When
you're in your 20s and start earning some money, you think 'Wow, 1,000
$ is a lot of money to spend on travel. Then you realize... well, 1,000
$ is a lot of money to spend BUT on travel."
It's also probably the first and only thing I did
just for myself. Jeff had said "You can't spend your life feeling
responsible for other people." Well, yes that's true.
But no, it's not. I think you're responsible to people who love you
that much and truely.
Still, one has to be loyal to himself and do something
just for himself. I mean, once in a while at least :)
Sometimes I get the feeling that I've lived enough.
But as long as there are places to see, people to meet, books to read,
things to write... you got a reason to live and you will never run out
Still not satisfied. That's good. Because when you're
no longer curious, when the search ends, life ends.
There are classical questions that you ask people
you meet on the road. The first is "Where are you from?" Well,
mostly I get the answer UK. Do British people travel most or is it just
a coincidence? Colonies maybe?.. Well, I'd like to hear someone say
"I'm Turkish!" That would be a change.
The second question might be "What's your name?"
or "How long have you been travelling?" "Where have you
been to?" "Where are you going now?"
What about finding something interesting, something
creative? I thought of some but still could use some help. Any suggestions