- Bits and Pieces
Akoz, 5 July '01
HI Everybody, All the stuff (I
wonít call them journals because they werenít written
with the intention of being a journal) I wrote seemed
good to me at the time I wrote them. Now when I
go back and read them once again they seem stupid,
but Iím putting them all down as they are. Because
those were once Ďmeí. I have kept a diary for 20
years (yes, all my life is recorded! :) And of course
those were written for myself, not for anybody to
read, so they may not always follow a certain logic
or make sense to the reader. Hopefully, they will
get better and some day, through experience and
practice, Iíll learn to write.
"GOOD MORNING SUN, the green valleys!..."
I stepped in through the door singing... the door
that opened to the lab. I spent my years in. My
friend said "I can understand why people worshipped
the sun in the olden times" smiling. It was a bright,
sunshiny day. ************* Can someone have the
happiest days in his life with 19 stitches in his
arms? Well... I did.
Those were the days I was planning
for this trip! Jeff had asked to know why I wanted
to do this round-the-world tour? I wrote to him:
"If you had heard the joy and radiance in my voice
when I called up my friends to tell about this trip
you wouldn't need to ask any questions" but I went
ahead and answered his questions. what do I expect?
I expect to have fun, to enrich myself and my point
of view, to learn, to meet new people and see different
cultures, to leave a print-mark on the world and
on people, I expect to share a smile and sorrow
or pain sometimes, I expect to feel that sensation
of wholeness, pride and relief you get after an
achievement, I expect to experience things otherwise
not possible, things that I cannot even imagine
right now, I expect to be sure that tomorrow is
going to be a new adventure, I expect to gain material
for writing, etc.
I want not to know what's to come,
I want to travel into the unknown and then feel
the safety and warmth of home, I want to live "for
the first time's, I want to touch the world, make
it mine, to belong.. There's a whole world out there!
And I don't want to be stuck in one place my whole
life. I've had my share of the standard life my
parents and the society expect of me.
My parents are divorced and I've
had hard times as a child. Even though it didn't
feel good at the time, I guess it has helped me
a lot to become a stronger and a better person.
Graduation from the best schools in Turkey, work,
then marriage... years passed without thinking and
there was always a necessity waiting for me. Now
it's time to do something just because I want to
do it. To make a dream come true... I consider myself
lucky since I have the luxury of doing this even
after ten years of working. Most people spend their
whole lives working just to earn a living. I've
enjoyed my time at the university. It wasn't work,
it was a life-style. University was my second home,
my professor being a second father and I considered
my students as my children. why do I want to go??!..
There's actually a simple answer:
because itís in my nature! Has anyone read Robert
Young Pelton's "The World's Most Dangerous Places"?
It says: "A study published in 'Nature Genetics'
reported that people who are prone to be exploratory
and excitable have a longer version of a gene called
D4DR found on chromosome 11. The gene helps dopamine
which controls pleasure and emotion in the brain."
So my parents are to blame for my desire to go out
and conquer the world! You can blame yours, too
:) Maybe the answer is in my genes. Maybe it's the
fact that it's more appealing whatever I don't have
and wherever I'm not.
All the above
were written to impress Jeff to trick him into picking
me for the team :) Iíll make a confession to you.
I donít know what the hell Iím doing this trip for!
:) A voice keeps going in my head: "This is not
logical at all!" After all, Iím leaving my sweet
home, good job, luxurious living. But who wants
to be logical? Isn't it that we value most the moments
we've acted spontaneously and done crazy stuff?